What is matrescence?

Everyone talks about the baby reaching their milestones, but what about the milestones a mom meets as she becomes a mother? Just as a child is learning and becoming, so is a mom. This is a time period with an entirely new version of you, and of course, you aren’t going to know exactly how to execute it.

Enter matrescence.

Matrescence (said like adolescence) is the journey and transition a mom goes through into and, honestly, all throughout motherhood. It’s the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, and quite frankly, no one prepared me for this emotional rollercoaster that comes with motherhood. Maybe it’s because there isn’t an easy way to explain it to someone who hasn’t gone through it. Or maybe it’s because, as moms, we are just going through it without pausing to reflect on our growth. It truly is a “before” and “after” moment.

But once you put a name to it and acknowledge that this transformation is real, it suddenly makes so much sense. Matrescence is why two opposites can be true at once: you can love your baby with your entire being and still grieve the person you used to be. It’s why you can feel so proud and yet so overwhelmed at the same time. 

Motherhood is often framed as an arrival. You get pregnant, you give birth, you become a mom. But matrescence tells a different story. It’s not an arrival—it’s a becoming. It’s an unfolding, an evolution, an identity shift that is not linear and does not happen overnight. Just as adolescence is a period of immense physical, emotional, and psychological change, so is matrescence.

Matrescence is messy. It’s the loss of autonomy, the shift in identity, the invisible labor, the emotional load, the mental exhaustion, and the body that doesn’t quite feel like yours anymore. It’s the realization that no matter how much you prepared, you still weren’t prepared for this. And yet, within that mess, there is also beauty. There is growth. There is the stretching of your heart in ways you never thought possible. There is endless gratitude and overflowing love.

So, if you’re in the thick of it—if you’re feeling like you’re losing yourself, if you’re crying in the shower while also feeling guilty for crying in the shower—know this: You are not alone. You are not failing. You are becoming. This is matrescence. And just like any transformation, it takes time.

It’s okay to grieve for your old self. It’s okay to not love every moment. It’s okay to want more for yourself outside of motherhood. None of that makes you a bad mom. It makes you a human being going through one of the biggest identity shifts of your life.

And the more we talk about it, the more we name it, the less alone we feel. Because motherhood was never meant to be a solo journey.

So, let’s start asking new questions. Instead of “How’s the baby sleeping?”, let’s ask, “How are you doing with this massive life transition?” Instead of “Are you loving every moment?”, let’s ask, “What’s been the hardest part for you?” Instead of “Aren’t you just so happy?”, let’s say, “I see you. This is big. This is hard. You’re doing an incredible job.”

Matrescence doesn’t have an end date. Just as we continue growing into ourselves throughout life, we continue growing into motherhood. The transition doesn’t stop at postpartum—it evolves as our children do, as we do. And as your child enters new stages of development, so do you, and it’s a constant revolving door of change. Which, while hard, once named and seen for what it is, can be understood on a deeper level. 

So, if today feels overwhelming, if you don’t recognize the person in the mirror, if you feel like you are holding both joy and grief in equal measure—take a deep breath. You are right where you are supposed to be. You are not broken. You are transforming. And in time, you will see just how strong, how capable, and how deeply beautiful you are as a mom.