Parenting Your Inner Child While Becoming a Mom
During pregnancy, so many of us deliberate about the kind of mother we hope to be for our baby, sometimes subscribing to a particular style, like gentle parenting or guru (hello, Dr. Becky!). But what no one told me is that becoming a mom often stirs up moments from our own childhood that we end up re-experiencing through another lens. Your inner child—the part of you that still holds onto the experiences, wounds, and joys of your past sometimes ends up calling out for attention just as much as your baby is. Parenting your inner child while nurturing your newborn is a delicate yet powerful journey of healing and growth, and the truth is, you will be a better parent for it.
Recognizing Your Inner Child
Your inner child holds the experiences, beliefs, and emotions from your early years. When you step into motherhood, you may notice echoes of your past in how you respond to stress, handle emotions or interact with your baby. Maybe you hear your parents’ voices in your head, or perhaps you feel triggered by certain moments—like your baby crying for comfort—if you lacked that security as a child. For me, memories of feeling scared when trying to fall asleep as a child plagued my mind when we moved my child to his own room, magnifying my anxiety about his sleep habits.
Instead of pushing these feelings away, acknowledge them. Recognizing your inner child’s needs can help you break generational cycles and create a nurturing environment not just for your baby but also for yourself.
Reparenting Yourself While Parenting Your Baby
Reparenting means giving yourself love and validation as you navigate your childhood memories as they come up in your journey as a new parent. As you provide for your baby, you can extend that same kindness to yourself.
Here’s how:
1. Speak Kindly to Yourself
The way you talk to yourself matters. Instead of being self-critical when you feel overwhelmed, offer yourself the same gentle encouragement you would give your baby. Say things like, “You’re doing your best,” or “It’s okay to need support.”
2. Allow Yourself to Feel
Motherhood stirs up deep emotions. Instead of shaming yourself for feeling triggered, anxious, or sad, acknowledge those feelings. Give yourself permission to cry, rest, and process what arises.
3. Identify Your Triggers
Pay attention to what moments make you feel small, unseen, or unworthy. Are you overly worried about doing everything perfectly? Do you struggle with asking for help? These could be signs of unmet childhood needs. Recognizing these patterns allows you to break free from them.
4. Give Yourself What You Missed
If your childhood left you longing for more affection, self-soothe with a warm bath, a cozy blanket, or a gentle touch. If you needed more validation, practice affirmations. If you wished for more playfulness, engage in activities that bring you joy, like dancing, painting, or laughing with your baby.
5. Seek Support
Motherhood is not meant to be done alone. Whether it’s a support group or talking with a trusted friend, having a space to process your emotions is vital. Surround yourself with those who nurture your growth. Sometimes, very painful memories or trauma are best explored with a mental health professional, so be sure to consider that option if you find memories particularly upsetting.
The Gift of Breaking Cycles
Parenting your inner child creates a home where you and your baby feel safe, loved, and seen. You’re not just raising a child—you’re healing yourself. Whenever you choose patience over perfection, self-compassion over criticism, and connection over isolation, you rewrite the narrative for future generations.
Motherhood is not just about nurturing a new life; it’s also about re-nurturing yourself. And in doing so, you create a motherhood experience rooted in deep healing, resilience, and love.
You got this, mama.
