Motherhood is often depicted as a time filled with love, joy, and cuddles. But for many moms, there’s another, less-discussed emotion that can emerge: rage. Which i don’t even like using that word, because that feeling was probably as foreign to you as it was to me. But then you have that moment, and realize oh wow, this is not how I want to show up. This is not myself, and this isn’t how I want my kids to see me. And when it happens, it’s sudden, overwhelming, and often laced with guilt. This phenomenon, known as “mom rage,” is more common than you might think and shows up in unexpected ways.

So….What is mom rage?

Maybe we need to start with what it is NOT. It’s not a reflection of a mom’s love for her child. It’s NOT about a moms abilities as a parent, and it's NOT about her intentions at that moment. Rather, it’s a complex emotional response triggered by the immense pressures and challenges of parenting that results in mom feeling guilty, ashamed and lost about why she feels and acts in this way.

Unlike general anger, mom rage is often rooted in deep emotional exhaustion, unmet needs, and feelings of invisibility or lack of support. It can feel uncontrollable and leave moms wondering, “Why am I so angry?” or “What’s wrong with me?” The answer? Nothing is wrong with you. Mom rage is a signal that something in your life needs attention.

Why Does Mom Rage Show Up?

Mom rage doesn’t appear out of nowhere. And you aren’t going crazy for experiencing it. Here are some common reasons why it surfaces:

Chronic Stress: Parenting comes with a relentless to-do list, sleepless nights, and constant demands. Prolonged stress can deplete your emotional reserves, making it harder to regulate emotions.
Unmet Needs: Many moms put their own needs last, sacrificing sleep, self-care, and personal time. This creates a backlog of unmet needs that can erupt as anger when gone long enough without being nurtured.
Societal Pressures: The unrealistic expectations to be a “perfect mom” can lead to feelings of inadequacy. The comparison of how you “should” be compared to other moms. This pressure can manifest as anger when things don’t go as planned.
Hormonal Changes: Postpartum hormonal shifts and the ongoing physical demands of motherhood can intensify emotional responses.
Unprocessed Emotions: Grief over the loss of pre-motherhood identity, unresolved trauma, or even daily frustrations can build up and result in sudden bursts of rage.

How Does Mom Rage Look? (And How It Might Surprise You)

Mom rage doesn’t always look like yelling or slamming doors. It can be sneaky and show up in unexpected ways, such as:

Irritability Over Small Things: Feeling disproportionately angry about spilled milk or a noisy toy.
Internalized Anger: Berating yourself internally or feeling like a failure.
Physical Symptoms: Tightness in the chest, clenched fists, or a racing heart.
Avoidance: Withdrawing from family or friends out of frustration or fear of losing control.
Passive Aggression: Snapping or making sarcastic remarks.
Withdrawing: Maybe there isn’t an outward expression of yelling or slamming, but inside you feel the tension building up until one day it all comes out.

These signs can feel unsettling and frankly not in your normal nature, but recognizing them is the first step to addressing them. I like to remind myself that there is a different way to parent.

Here’s What to do about Mom Rage

Dealing with mom rage isn’t about suppressing it but understanding and managing it. Here are five high-value strategies to help:

1. Identify Your Triggers

Pay attention to patterns. What situations or moments tend to spark your anger? Is it when you feel unsupported, overwhelmed, or unheard? Understanding your triggers can help you anticipate and prepare for these moments.

2. Create Space for Your Needs

Your needs matter. Whether it’s asking your partner to take over for an hour, scheduling a therapy session, or simply taking 10 minutes to breathe, prioritizing your well-being is essential. A well-cared-for mom is a more patient mom.

3. Practice Emotional Regulation

When anger strikes, try grounding techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or stepping outside for a moment. These strategies can help you regain control before reacting.

4. Build a Support System

You don’t have to navigate motherhood alone. Connect with other moms, join support groups, or lean on trusted friends and family. Sharing your experiences can reduce feelings of isolation and normalize your emotions.

5. Seek Professional Help When Needed

If mom rage feels overwhelming or persistent, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor. They can provide tools to manage anger and address underlying issues like postpartum depression or anxiety.

Here’s what I want you to know.

Mom rage is a normal response to the immense demands of motherhood. It is NOT a reflection of your love for your child but instead a signal that something needs attention. By identifying triggers, prioritizing self-care, and seeking support, you can navigate your emotions as a mom rage with compassion and grace.

Remember: You are not alone. Every mom faces challenges, and recognizing your emotions is a powerful step toward healing and growth.

Understanding Mom Rage: What It Is, Why It Shows Up, and How to Navigate It